There’s A Rainbow Behind Everything

 

My friend, Betty, is depressed.  She says that she doesn’t know why.

I can think of reasons why she’s depressed and how to get her out of it with the same examples to prove that there’s a rainbow behind everything.

  1. She’s 92 years old.  (She’s 92 years old….how many people can say that?)
  2. Her family doesn’t come around much. (Her family doesn’t come around much…she doesn’t have to hand them out money or listen to their bitching. Be grateful.)
  3. She says that her mind isn’t as sharp as it used to be and she’s forgetting a lot of things.  (Remembering everything ain’t what it’s cracked up to be.  When you don’t remember things, you can tell people off then say, “I don’t remember saying that.”  It gets you out of a lot of trouble when you really just wanted to tell someone off!)
  4. Her hands and legs don’t work without a lot of work to stretch them and even then, she can’t always do up her shirt buttons.  (With # 3, leaving your shirt open can attract men and, not remember that you didn’t do it up.)
  5. She misses being able to drive.  (That’s when you call up all of those SOBs you’ve put in your will and tell them to get their sorry arses over to drive you somewhere or, they’re out of your will.  It’s amazing how quickly they come to pick you up and chauffeur you around.  I even get lunches out and they pay!  Hell, I call up people I don’t have in my will and they come.)
  6. Hearing is hard and she misses things that are said. (Hell, I turn down my hearing aid on purpose just to miss some things.  It saves me having to listen to a pile of crap.)
  7. She can’t clean anymore.  (Finally, a reason to not have to clean or call up one of those SOB’s named in your will.  If they won’t come…you threaten to blow your entire estate on hiring cleaning people and chauffeurs or taking taxis.  It’s amazing how quickly people move when they hear that.)
  8. She may have to go into retirement home/assisted living soon.  (That’s when you tell your kids how much money it costs to keep you in one of those places.  They soon find room in their homes for you.)
  9. Her days are all the same and she doesn’t know one from another.  (Hell, when you get to this age, the names just get changed.  Monday is Bingo Day, Tuesday is Bridge Day, Wednesday is Tea Day at the senior’s centre, Thursday is Hairdresser’s Day, Friday is Quilting Day at Edna’s house, Saturday is Grocery Shopping and Lunch Day, Sunday is Church and A Nap Day.  Need I say more?)
  10. There isn’t much time left to live.  (Yup, so live every moment as though it’s your last.  You don’t need to worry about calories, sugar, fat or any of those things you used to worry about.  If you die going sky-diving, so the hell what?  There’s no such thing as coupons or sales anymore….pay full price ’cause you can’t take it with you.  Learn how to use a credit card.  Your kids will have to take care of the debt.)

So, I’m calling Betty right after I post this post and telling her that we’re going to the slots tonight.  My arse of a son is going to drive us there and my grandson will pick us up.  That should perk her up a bit.  She can still hit a button.

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2 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. chrishampton4
    Sep 12, 2012 @ 01:36:01

    Great post!

    Reply

  2. ponderinglifetoo
    Mar 01, 2018 @ 04:07:26

    Reblogged this on My Little Corner of Life and commented:

    I am getting such a kick out of my late grandmother’s sense of humour that I can’t sit up for laughing. Laugh with me, please. It’s hilarious. What a sense of humour the woman had. Gawd I miss her.

    Reply

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